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Sarah Everard could have been any woman anywhere. From walking home in a well-lit area to calling her boyfriend in an attempt to make herself feel safer, she made use of safety techniques we, as women, had all utilized. Had used during at least one walk alone in an attempt to feel some sort of safety. Some assurance. Too many times have I heard stories from my colleagues, friends, sister, about how they need to get picked up after a shift. A party. A pub trip late at night. About how they can’t walk home in the dark. Are scared in the case that they are followed. It’s a common story now, the idea that women should never walk home alone. That if they do, they will have to always look back. And yet, Sarah’s story highlights how any of these attempts are useless in the face of male violence. That if sensible shoes and a bright outfit cannot protect us, then what truly can? It has become evidently clear that even walking alone in familiar streets on a Wednesday night never provides certainty that we will make it home, whether that be in one piece, or in Sarah’s case, at all. That the blame does lie in the lap of the attacker rather than with the victim’s clothing, reckless choice of way home, or even any brief look they share with any would-be perpetrator that can somehow justify the actions that come next.
Yet, now nearly three weeks on, Sarah’s story is at least getting the conclusion it deserves, with her attacker on trial and jailed for his unjustified actions of violence, despite the fact it should never have ended this way at all. But, if it wasn’t for the uproar of media attention and the calls for change from women up and down the country, would we still have the same story? The same conclusion? Or would Sarah just be another of the 97% of us that have been sexually harassed and lack the justice we deserve. Of the women whose lives too were cut-short and any justice has now fallen through the cracks without the provided pressure of media attention. The abuse of women and the struggles they face by it daily has become so horrifically normalized that so many of us have a story like this that perhaps is what has made Sarah’s story cut so close to home. We are so used to prioritizing personal safety that it has become ingrained into our everyday lives. A universal understanding among women everywhere. An everyday ill-feeling that often just has to be incorporated into schedules and got on with. It isn’t right. After decades of the same issue, the same story being almost unanimously understood by millions of women around the world, shouldn’t we be tired of not doing anything about it?
Yet, this is also proof that we are not afraid for no reason. That although it is “not all men”, it is nearly all women. And despite this, despite our pleas for aid on a subject that men do not understand, it is clear that they do not want to understand. It is time for men to realize that it is their problem, and to start taking responsibility for the issues that, ultimately, they majorly provoke. Because, yes, it is not all men. But, it is 97% of women. And when the only response to women speaking up for themselves is violence, dismissal, and the recounting of men’s own sufferings, completely unrelated to the concept of male harassment and abuse women are trying to make known, it is clearly beyond time we started accusing the perpetrator instead of the instantaneous victim-blaming that is always resorted to. After all this time shouldn’t our governments, teaching institutions, and social media sites, be doing more to teach that the violence of stalking and harassment is abhorrently wrong? To stop focusing on women’s choices and start focusing on the male violence that continues to go unchecked. To stop future generations from facing the same struggle women do every-day? To stop little girls internalizing that looking back when walking home is just a natural part of what it means to be female?
In a male-dominated world, it is unsurprising that little action has been taken on the subject. With such little amounts of men feeling the impact of stalking and harassment in their everyday lives, women are left to suck it up and “protect themselves” instead against the big bad wolves that could trail them home. But it is not enough. As a result, stalking has become such a regular occurrence that the topic now appears to go unnoticed or is only dealt with when it is too late. And, as always, at the cost of the victim; through death, or worse. Women should be able to live and exist without fearing for their safety. Without having to plan every aspect of their lives around the potential harm we could face at the hands of others. In the end, men do this because they know the majority will get away with their actions. Because they can. Until this changes, until men are held fully responsible and realise that responsibility, nothing will change. Men need to care. Need to create awareness of this problem and create consequences for those that think there are none. We could all have been Sarah, and it is time for that to stop.
C x
Apps that can help:
Hollie Guard : If you feel unsafe whilst alone, you can shake it and it will send a notification to your set contacts.
Driver Check : Will check any Taxi registrations to make sure it is legit.
WYA x Hands Off : A future app aimed to help anyone locate friends inside nightclubs without internet access needed.